if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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