Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
