I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
