Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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