My nipple is on Facebook.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
