a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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