Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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