That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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