everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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