fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
