In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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