Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
