soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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