if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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