Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
