Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
