she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
