Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
