Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
