If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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