I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
