Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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