I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
