why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
