She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
