he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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