And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
