hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
