If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
