Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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