I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
