I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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