Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
