O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
