it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
