my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
