the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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