drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
