He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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