i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
