the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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