I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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