He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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