I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
