Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
