Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Enjoy the penises
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
