I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
