I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
