I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
