Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
