We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
