I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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