Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
